Still for sale….

I’m still trying to sell my ‘99 Buick Regal. If anyone wants it or knows anyone who wants it, please let me know! Here’s a link to the Craigslist ad.

Meet my cat, the Devil

It used to be that Bindi, our cat, never hissed at me. In fact, she used to hiss at Holly all the time when bath time rolled around. She hissed at Holly’s sisters, my sisters, practically anyone who came around. Most people she grew to tolerate (save for Leia, Bindi seemingly hates her). But she never – ever – hissed at me.
That was, however, until this week. For some reason (I’m going to chalk it up to moving into a new apartment) she has shown me nothing but hatred as of late: I tried to pet her yesterday, and she screeched at me. So, I did what I my broken ego assumed to be the right thing at any situation like this: I threw a pillow at her as hard as I could (I missed, probably on purpose). She hissed again, scratched the air like a raging bull, then sprinted along the wall into her hiding place buried deep in Holly’s closet.
Sure enough, as soon as Princess Holly opens the door returning from work, here comes Bindi trouncing through the house like nothing happened.
But when I try and approach them, I’m greeted with this any more:

…And Boom Goes the Dynamite!

In case you couldn’t tell, that’s me. Same glowing blonde locks, nice blue shirt and a huge wooden stick. If I were to be forever immortalized in print with just one picture, I imagine it to resemble something similar to this.

Again, if you couldn’t tell (and I feel sorry but conversely look down upon you if you can’t) that is my Nintendo Wii character: “Jakey.”

“Jakey” is a stud.

He routinely hits 4-under on Wii golf mini games, averages over 200 at bowling while time and again knocking 9 of 10 homers out at HR derby. Well, that was until today.

Being the unemployed loser I have been up until this week, I’ve been obsessed with bowling a perfect Wii game. You said it, 300. But day after day I fail miserably: Starting off with a split or beginning with a turkey only to knock down 9 on the ensuing roll. Needless to say, what began as a simple “I’m sure I can do it” has morphed into a gargantuan “I hope I can do it” that has literally transformed into an “I give up (for now).”

Well, now that I’m designing a book and learning web design simultaneously, I’ve moved Wii to the backburner. Oh, sure, I do my Wii fitness each day to track my Wii age (today I got all the way down to 26. Is that good? I’m still not sure…). But overall, I’ve been using Adobe CS4 more than Wii Sports.

But then I remembered Home Run Derby. I’ve always wanted to go 10-for-10, and it seems like I’ve been close before. Perhaps this is where I can attain my unemployed glory! I fired it up this afternoon with unrelenting fervor anticipating perfection … only to be sorely mistaken.

Our cat suddenly cowered in the corned as I routinely screamed, “Back back back back back back back back!” like Chris Berman’s infamous (yet mostly annoying) HR Derby chant:She shuddered under the sofa when I followed up the chant with a string of expletives reminiscent of the Jerry Springer Show. But when I continuously fouled off the ninth pitch after hitting 8 dingers in a row (that happened 3 games in a row!) she was nowhere to be seen.

So I gave up. I was tired and angry and mad at the world. I buried myself in Photoshop once more.

Two hours later, I was unloading the dishwasher when it suddenly occurred to me that I should bring my camera into the living room for good luck. So, I did just that. I fired up the Wii once more only to foul off the first pitch.

The Wii-mote almost went through the sliding glass door in a fit of unyielding rage that surely would have distressed our cat once more.

Alas, I calmed down. I decided one last try …Boom Shakka Lakka!! Ten pitches? Ten Home Runs!

Polar Bear “Phelps”

When Holly and I went to the Portland Zoo last week for Miss Oregon’s elephant photo shoot, we went to see the polar bear exhibit. What I forgot to upload last time was this little clip of one the (huge) bears seemingly doing laps in his own pool! He did this for 10 minutes non-stop before we left, but who knows how long he kept going for.

You’ve got to be kidding me

Seriously? Did my car’s thermometer really read 105 yesterday? Really? I thought I moved from the hotter part of the Inland Northwest in Coeur d’Alene to a more temperate climate near the ocean. Oh, how I was sorely mistaken. This heat wave is kicking my ass!

Looking back, I’m trying to wonder how I gave up this:

Coeur d’Alene

For this:

Oregon

If it’s not the hippies, it’s the heat. Holy mother of God it’s been hotter than hell down here, and the 101-degree highs for today are actually the cooler parts of this week, believe it or not. Yesterday’s high of 105 set an All-time record for that day in Portland’s weather-tracking history!

I gain solace in but one factor: My lovely fiancée. She’s the one who keeps fans in the right spots throughout our apartment and always shows up with a much-needed cool towel.

As for now, I think I may just go marinade in the hot tub. And by hot tub, I mean our pool, which must be boiling after all this brutal heat!

Text Effects

Now that I’m designing the cover of a book, I’ve went through so many different ideas (probably too far away from what the author actually wants…) that it’s hurting my brain.

Thanks to this website, I’ve tried playing with over 20 different ways to just typographically state the name of the book!

Here is one example where I spent 20 minutes or so playing with a cover template that I probably won’t even use:

Actually, making text look gold-plated maybe what he wants, as this book is about making money off Real Estate investing. We shall see, I guess, we shall see. I’m sure I’ll be up late again tonight toiling over countless design ideas. Maybe I’ll just call it quits after five separate mockups.

The Matrix Breakfast Club

I was searching for “Real Estate” photos under Google images tonight, when what to my wondering eyes to I see? On the 10th page of results for large images, this little guy reared his ugly head. Thanks to this Real Estate website for freaking me out.

Why I Hate Coors Light

I never really liked Mike’s Hard Lemonade, but this commercial makes me love them! I hate those Coors Light commercials where they have a cold label (the mountains turn blue when the can is cold), because YOU CAN FEEL IF A CAN IS COLD WITH YOUR HAND!

More Zoo Photos

After shooting the elephants, Holly and I walked around the zoo:

Elephant Photo Shoot

This morning I was able to go behind the fence at the Portland Zoo and see the elephants up close. Of course, the purpose of my visit was to take pictures of Miss Oregon with the owner of Terra Del Sol Spa and my fiancée.

We weren’t allowed to touch the animals, although Rose-Tu, the baby elephant (born last summer), came briskly walking up toward Miss Oregon at the end, only to be stopped by trainers on hand. Since Holly’s boss, the owner, has adopted abused elephants in Africa this was especially meaningful for her.

Needless to say, we were all pretty excited, even if we only got to be out with them for just five minutes.

Holly getting ready for the group photo.

Miss Oregon: Sylvie Tarpinian (see the baby elephant making his way toward the Miss USA hopeful?)