Most Embarassing Moment

Yesterday I went to the gas station to buy beer before heading to my cousins. Standing at the counter, I looked down at the glass and noticed the little Blackjack "Beat the Dealer" $1 Idaho Lottery Tickets.

I was perplexed, to say the least. Blackjack is my vice.

So, I wrangled a ticket with my purchase and headed to the car with a dime to scratch away the door to my obvious winnings. Needless to say, I'm no scratch ticket rookie. But this blunder certainly made me seem like one.

As I was on the phone with future Mrs. Donahue, I screamed aloud: "Oh My God!! I WON!! I WON!! N0 - Seriously - Holly!! I THINK I WON $125!!"

Slamming my phone into the passenger seat and cutting off my fiancee, I stormed back into the gas station with a fervor posessed only by the most athletic of men. I hurriedly shoved my Golden Ticket into the hands of an unsuspecting clerk.

"Scan it! I won!! I swear, I won!! A Jack beats a 9!! I won!"

"I don't gamble, sir," she rebutted. "So I don't know how you win on these. Let me scan it."

Shaking, I was damn near standing on the counter waiting for my cash.

"I'm sorry, sir, it says 'This ticket not a winner,'" she muttered.

"Scan it again!" I yelled. "A Jack beats a 9!! A Jack beats a 9!"

She did. It said the same thing, again: THIS TICKET NOT A WINNER.

I clammered for the scapegoat of all my hatred, looked across the ticket for a reason. "See! I won on all 4 hands!! I should get $132, actually!!"

Then, I realized my mistake. I've dealt with dyslexia my entire life, but not this bad.

I was reading the "Dealer's Hand" as my own, and thus discovered I, in fact, lost every hand on the card.

FML.