Addiction

I’ve never been so in love with a TV show that I cannot miss a second. Sure, I’ve seen every single South Park episode, but that took years to amass, and only because it may be the single greatest comedy on earth.

Recently, however, I was bequeathed the skill of downloading full-length TV episodes. You name it, I can snag it. Seinfeld? I’ll have the complete series down in a week. Season 4 of The Fresh Prince? Done by tomorrow. I may be a downloading expert today, but I began slowly in my pirating ways. My first experiment was a show that I never took time to enjoy. I knew not one soul to downgrade the series, but rather a cornucopia of individuals obsessed.

After five seasons of marinating through unrelenting praise from those around me, I finally succumbed to HBO’s greatest achievement: Entourage.

Holy mother of God, the love I boast over this unyielding masterpiece I previously felt could only be attained by a drunk, loose Britney Spears who was coming on to me.

I watched the complete first season in three days, half on my cell phone between Portland and Spokane (video quality: amazing! You haven’t lived until you own a Blackberry Storm), and the rest on my laptop. Season 2 was downloaded over the ensuing two days, and while I absorbed the glory that was Ari Gold, Vincent Chase, Eric Murphy, Drama and Turtle, I was already downloading seasons 3 and 4 simultaneously.

Before season 5 was completely downloaded, I finished watching season 3 in one night, staying up until 6 a.m. Never have I been so in love. Then came my crowing glory: knocking out season 4 in one afternoon.

So as I prepare to delve into the final season available before the show’s 6th returns to HBO this summer, I am left in love with Ari Gold. The man is my idol.

In his own words: “Call me Helen Keller, because I am the miracle worker.”

Here is Ari Gold in all his splendor: